A Journal of Seismic Proportions

Must buy me drinks to be added....

photo by Wickenden

Please visit my blog for a lengthy birth story and subsequent updates.

While I'm sure not many of you are close enough to me IRL to know or to care much I wanted to post this here just in case. Last year mom's brother, my sweet Uncle Rowe, died from MS complicaitons. This year I've offered to sponsor my boyfriend Stephen in a (bike) ride dedicated to him. If anyone would like to donate a few dollars to this wonderful cause please do so at the link below. No obligations and if you do donate please make it a small one, we are asking for donations of $5.00 or less. I loved my Uncle very very much and watching him suffer from this disease was incredibly difficult. On June 27th he will be in our thoughts as Stephen rides 100 miles for this charity.

Stephen's Pagemain.nationalmssociety.org/site/TR/Bike/UTUBikeEvents

~Melissa

Yenchi had her puppy today. Just one, but they are both safe and happy.

Ignore Tay's frightened face. He's just....just being silly...yeah, yeah that's it. See my Flickr for more Dino museum delightfulness.

I suppose I should offer up my excuse as to why I don't eljay anymore. Mostly I got sick of what I had to say here. I wasn't writing anything that made me happy. Though I still frequent the eljay to read about everyone else I rarely have time or thoughts to comment and I know that is a great sin in the eljay world. Anyway, after much thought and consideration I've decided to link my blog that I DO in fact write in. It isn't at all like my LJ. It isn't like much at all really. I read blogs on blogger too...but I don't comment there either. So, here you go. Enjoy, or don't.

http://ezactly.blogspot.com/

Oh, Happy New Year.

Yesterday I got lost in the circus
Felling like such a mess
Now I’m down I’m just hanging on the corner
I can’t help but reminisce
When you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade

Your mama called she said that you’re down stairs crying
Feeling like such a mess
Yeah I hear you you’re in the background bawling
What happened to your sweet summertime dress

I know we all, we all got our faults
We get locked in our vaults and we stay
But when you’re gone all the colors fade
When you’re gone no New Year’s Day parade
You’re gone
Colors seem to fade
Colors seem to fade
Yeah

~Amos Lee

My sweet Dukey was sitting on my lap chillaxing the evening away and dad snapped this shot of his cute little face along side my chilly beverage. I love it. Icon to come shortly. I can't think of anything I'd love more right now than a Duke and Tonic to make a long work day better.

The advanced vapor action has saved my life today. My throat is scarred from breathing through my mouth so much while being sick. Finally after buying these I had a night of REAL rest. Thank you Halls God!

Yesterday Ayla came to the swimming pool with me. We chased after floating balls, raced from one end of the pool to the other, watched other swimmers, and sat with our feet in the hot tub. "It's very hot today" Ayla noted when we put our feet in the warm water. And it was exceptionally hot even for a hot tub. She likes to turn the jets on for people getting in and out. She sat and watched everything around her for quite some time. She likes to squirt her little squirt gun and aims at the sky trying to get the water to reach the birdies bellies. She's so quiet when she sits there. We would whisper and she loves to ask questions about why all the other people do what they do. She wondered why the big girls were shooting water at people but she wasn't allowed to. She also wondered why there were boys with earrings. When I was over at my lounge chair getting some water she blew me a kiss and I just love her so much.

Going to see Sex & the City tonight! Woot Guess I have to wear my new silver heels.

Last night when I stopped at a gas station on my way home I had the following conversation with a kid that couldn't have been more than 18, IF THAT!

Boy: Excuse me, you dropped something.
Me: I turn around to look at the ground behind me. I see nothing and turn back to the counter.
Boy: Oh, it was your smile *steps up next to me*
Me: *laughs*
Boy: Yep, looks like you found it. You’re welcome *smile*
Me: *laughs* Well, thanks I guess, see ya.

I guess I've still got it??????HA

Also, I haven't heard that one before!

My sweet Uncle Rowe passed away this morning. Yesterday I left work early to stop and visit with my cousin and aunt as they sat in his room….waiting. He has been in a coma since Saturday and I am grateful that he is now in a place without the pain he has been suffering.

My uncle was such a kind and gentle loving soul. He had a beautiful sense of humor and even in his last months we would joke and tease with him knowing that, though he couldn’t laugh as loud or as easily as he once might have, he still appreciated the humor. Laughter always brought him joy. On my last visit with him he was very tired and, though he was unable to speak well enough to communicate it, I could see that he was finding it difficult to remember who I was. After a long nap he woke and I prepared to leave shortly after. I kissed his cheek and told him I loved him, “even if he couldn’t remember his favorite niece” I added with a laugh. He looked at me grumpily and struggled to say, “I remember you!”, how difficult it was for him to form the words but he needed to make sure I knew that he did in fact know who I was. I kissed him again and, again, told him I loved him. I stood there talking with my mom and cousin for a moment more and I noticed him watching us very intently. I caught his gaze and from across the tiny room he mouthed clearly, “I love you”, which, for his MS inflicted body, was not easy for him to do. As I walked out of the room tears streamed down my face with love for him and sorrow at the pain he was suffering from.

Today is filled with honor, respect and love for a man who has been a wonderful and important part of my life from the very very beginning. If I had known how much I would miss him someday I would not have insisted he stop calling me muffin when I thought I was too old for such a pet name from my uncle.

Today is the 3rd anniversary of the day Bronson and I separated. I don't have much to say on the subject, I will save most of my deepest thoughts for myself and myself alone. In a way this day is a bit more difficult than the finalization of our divorce because when he told me to leave I was still in love with him. The day our divorce was finalized (which was ironically the same day as our actual wedding) I was well on my way to be as out of love as I would ever be with someone. I was happy that it was over then but on this day I am remembering how much hurt I was experiencing. My heart breaks for that girl who, at that time, didn't know or even think she was capable or deserving of any real love. Now, though my relationships thus far have all been unsuccessful in the literal sense, I am so much more. I have been loved more than I ever was loved by him and I love myself more as well.

My divorce posts are received with pity and comments that I take all the wrong ways from people who can't possibly understand because they have never been there. I know they are not intended to hurt or bother me but because it is a sensitive subject it is easy for me to get upset and huffy over something so silly. I restrain myself from making many posts about my feelings on my divorce and on my ex-husband for this very reason but I deserve to mark this day. Please note that I would prefer you don't make a comment if it even slightly resembles advice or pity in any way. I do not mourn or miss my marriage but I will never forget how much it hurt me, changed me, uprooted everything that I thought was reality. How can you give a time limit on this sort of pain? Because it is there every day, though usually hidden deep beneath the surface, and I don't know that it will ever go away. In a way this pain has helped to create the person that I am today; it is very much a part of me and always will be.

Now that I’m done hating my (not) doctor I can focus on the more important things. Such as?

♥ How much I hate Europe for taking away my favorite person for 3 weeks.
♥ How much I love text messages because I can text said favorite person and it is like he is right there and not so very many miles away.
♥ Not wanting to work my second job…ever again (but I have to anyway and can I say that I’m SO burnt out!!!)
♥ That the whole FLDS thing going on is really crazy and so messed up on so many levels….including governmental levels (is there such a level?)
♥ How happy I am that I deep cleaned my house until 2 AM last night.
♥ stuff like that. Shiiiit.

As I mentioned….I’m super burnt out right now. I’ve had the last few days off of the second job and it hurts to think about going back tonight. Is this all there is to life? If so, I fold because life is just one big hangover and I keep saying, “Dude, I’m never living this much again. WHAT was I thinking being born?” and then I fell out of a car and onto my head because I was so drunk…from life not from tequila...

Remember how you wanted to buy me a present? This is just to help make your gift picking a little easier.....
Honestly...how cute is that? And every other damn thing on this website.

Also....although I am trying to quite drinking hard liquor I think I MUST have one of these *gush*able flasks.

I could go on about the black "lace" coasters or the Horton Hatches a Tote elephant bag, OR or or or the antique sofa broach...BUT I won't right now...maybe later though. I will mention the kissing zebra's bracelet though...brilliant!

Oh, wait....can I add that they have Peacock panties!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I simply must have them. Yes, yes I do have a problem.

he's seducing the camera. Can't you tell? Us...on Ashlie's birthday at the Bayou.

This is the same guy who did the dating video. This sketch is him as a Canadian border patrol agent. My co-workers thought this wasn't as funny but if you really think about it this guy is a comedic genius. This sketch is brilliant! Hope my Canadian friends love this too!!! (hope you guys aren't running around for no reason or something)